So, I watch this mess we call ‘The Bachelor’ faithfully every week. Ever damn week. Am I some sort of glutton for punishment? In the case of the season, apparently I am. Last season on the Bachelor, we were gifted with Sean Lowe, who compared to Juan Pablo, was a gift from the gods. He was sweet and nice, and appeared to understand what was going on. JP on the other hand seems confused, condescending and controlling. UGH. What a pain this guy is.
Last night the ladies and JP headed to New Zealand and did New Zealandy things. He took Andi through scary water caves. Watching this segment, as he is leading her through these impossibly tight paths through tall rocks in the water I just kept repeating, out loud to the room, ‘nope nope nope’. We were all wondering if he was taking her somewhere to kill her. That is typically how these things go, after all. Instead they ended up at a little waterfall, that he forced her to stand under (that looked comfortable) and then made out with her while holding onto her face. With both hands. He is obsessed with clutching these girls skulls. I think it’s a control issue.
The group date had them all doing the get into giant plastic ball things and roll down the hill which admittedly looked like a ton of fun and I want to try it posthaste. Afterwards, they head over to Hobbiton which is exactly what you think it is. And it is AWESOME. Charlene, the opera singer, was totally stoked. And Cassandra, one of the single moms who happened to have a birthday that day (turning the ripe old age of 22) and psyched as well. Spilling her feelings for Juan Pablo under a blankey, how secure she is finally feeling about their relationship (or lack thereof). So, he gives the group date to Opera Singer, and then asks Cassandra to talk privately. The girls think he’s just telling her happy birthday, when in fact he is sending her home. On her birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CASSANDRA. I’m here to break your heart!! And then he has the audacity to tell her not to be disappointed, and that she’s grown from this and he’s glad to have been a part of it.
WHAT? Since when is this show some sort of growing experience and Juan Pablo of all people is the freaking teacher?!?!? This dude blows my mind and not in a good way. Cassandra, you are better off honey. Go home to your baby and thank your lucky stars.
Then Clare had the solo date and she is basically just like, ‘whatever you say! kiss me’ Blah blah, and he ends up sending possible stripper Kat, home. And so. Another week has passed. Charlene is doubting her presence with the Bachelor. I don’t even think she likes him very much, I think she is thinking he is a hot piece of man and she can’t remember what she was going to say when he starts kissing her. And hey, there is no shame in that game. But he is not meant for forever. For any of these people most likely.